I Went Back There For Closure

A sign to remind you that you're worthy of love

When I left home a few years ago to go on a journey away from my family, I didn't know how hard it would be to live abroad. No matter where you go, locals always use foreigners as scapegoats for their problems, and England isn't any different.

As a foreigner, you can never get it right with the locals, no matter how outstanding you might be. Some will blame you for their unemployment and financial difficulties, others will target you at work for not being one of them, and let's not forget how foreigners almost always commit all crimes.

Living abroad is a double-edged sword where you get to explore a different culture, learn a new language, and meet new people, while being perceived as the source of every problem in your host country. I don't have it as bad as some people, but it's one of the reasons I left my quiet life in the North of England to start over in London.

It's Important To Know When To Leave

People often ask me why I left my old life to move to London, even though I'm already in my 40s. I'm not one to complain, and it's best to leave when people make you feel unwanted. What is the point of staying somewhere if the bad experiences start to outweigh the positive ones?

I also prefer not to disclose the real reason I left, and often say it was time for me to start a new journey. So why move to London instead of going back home? I had a pretty good life in England and didn't want the last couple of years to define my entire experience in this country.

I was planning to travel to Japan from London, then return home from there, but things have changed, and now I'm not sure when I'll finally make the trip to Japan. I decided to stay in this beautiful city a bit longer and enjoy life, and start my healing journey.

A Spontaneous Trip To The North

It's been over six months since I started living in London, and it's been fun to explore the city, eat delicious food, and meet new people. People can say whatever they want about London being expensive, but the sushi is good and affordable. I made plans to visit a sushi restaurant called Iro Sushi, and I look forward to trying their food.

Also, I'm no longer on my own and get to see my sister at least once a week, so life is good so far, and I've got no complaints. One day, I felt like it was time for me to head back north and spend some time in the city where I used to live. It was one of those days when I felt like being spontaneous, so I purchased a ticket and booked a hotel for a couple of nights, then left London the following day.

Why did I want to go back there in the first place? Did I miss my old life? It's nothing like that; most people don't feel attached to a place that made them feel unwelcome, and I'm not different. I had some traumatic experiences, which led to my decision to leave, and I felt like going back to see how I feel about the place now. I've been on a healing journey since moving to London, and it was important for me to go back where my pain started.

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it." Jane Austen

There Is No Healing Without Acceptance

I still don't know why I was mistreated, but as I said above, it's just one of those things you have to go through when you live abroad. Most people can't tell where I'm from by the way I look, since there are black people in this country, but I have a French accent, and as soon as I start speaking, I can see the change in their attitude.

I'm fine with it since I'm the one who chose to move to this country, but it doesn't mean I have to endure bad treatment just because I don't belong here. That’s why I decided to leave. It's not my job to educate them on xenophobia, and I'd rather leave than try to convince people that it's wrong to dislike someone because they're a foreigner.

I had free will to come here, and I still have free will to leave whenever I feel like it. That’s why I don't complain and hold grudges; I move on, as life is too short to dwell on bad experiences. That's why I had to go back there to be sure I had moved on from everything.

My Mind Is Finally At Peace

I went straight to Old Trafford, Manchester United stadium, after I arrived, because it's my favourite team and one of the reasons I moved there. It was emotional to see the stadium again. Then I walked around Salford Quays before going to the Trafford Centre for lunch. I had delicious sushi at a new Japanese restaurant there, and did some window shopping before heading to my hotel.

I had planned to do more sightseeing the following day, but once I got to the hotel, I didn't leave my room until it was time to head back to London. I was hurt and disappointed when I left that city for a new life in London, but it was exactly what I needed because I'm in a better place now. I'm not bitter, and I no longer feel anything for that city, even though I spent a few years there.

My decision to move to London might have been an emotional one, given the stressful situation I was in at the time, but it turned out to be the right thing to do. Sometimes, your life needs a reset when you feel helpless or hit a wall. I had some doubts when I walked away from everything. I'm already in my 40s and didn't know if I would be able to do it again, but I took a leap of faith because my mental health was more important than what I had going on there.

I went back to Manchester for closure, and I'm in a better place now