The Reason I'm Still Single

A touching moment between two swans on a lake

"I know you wanted your children to grow up with their dad as you did, but things didn't go as planned, and don't you think it's time for you to move on and find someone else?"

I turned around to look at my mum and asked, "What are you talking about? Do you think I'm single because I'm unable to move on?

My mum stayed with me for the first time since I moved to England last year. I love her dearly, but it was some of the most trying times of my life. The woman is controlling and toxic. I couldn't wait for her to go back, but she loved staying with me and spent a couple of months with me.

She used to sit with me in my home office when I was working from home, and one day, she went on and on about how she'd never seen me go on dates since she'd been in my house. She even asked if I've given up on love, and I thought it was funny for her to assume that just because I don't go on dates.

Traditional Values And Strict Upbringing

Before I share the real reason I stopped dating, let me provide some context to explain why dating was never a priority for me. I was born in a very conservative family, where girls are taught about gender roles at a young age.

I was sent to the kitchen to learn how to cook once I turned thirteen, to prepare me for marriage, because it's a mother's responsibility to feed her family. I didn't have the same freedom my brothers had for being a girl; I wasn't allowed to have friends and went straight home from school.

When I asked why I couldn't have friends, my mum said they were a bad influence, she didn't want me to start smoking or doing drugs to seem cool to my friends, and they are more likely to encourage me to get a boyfriend, which can lead to pregnancy, and my life would be over if I got pregnant.

Education, Books And The World Of Anime

I never questioned my parents and thought I was being a good daughter by letting them make decisions for me. I didn't stand up for myself and just went with the flow because I thought I could live without having friends. So I don't know what it's like to hang out with friends, have a sleepover, smoke, drink, and talk about boys.

I didn't experience any of that, and instead, I spent my teenage years focusing on my education to please my parents, reading books to keep busy, and finally fully immersing myself in the world of anime. Anime gave me some of my best childhood memories, and it's the reason I promised myself to visit Japan one day.

My mother still had to make sure I wasn't dating anyone, even though I was always in my room after school, and since she worked in a hospital at the time, she took me to her hospital every six months to check if I was still a virgin. The pain and humiliation put me off boys and dating.

No Boyfriend Until 18

I grew up to become exactly the type of daughter she wanted, a good girl who doesn't drink, smoke, or sleep around, but now she's asking why I'm always home and not dating anyone. I haven't given up on love or anything, I just learned to live without it.

During those years, I spent time in my bedroom, finding different ways to keep busy and entertained so my life wouldn't seem so miserable. I don't have a crazy story about how I fell head over heels for a man I met in a bookstore.

When I was finally allowed to date, my first boyfriend turned out to be someone close, my mum's friend's son. He told his mum he wanted to marry me, and that's when my parents were fine with me dating. I'm oblivious when it comes to love. I’m unsure if a man is interested in me or just being friendly.

You Can't Expect A Cat To Bark

I never put in any effort to be with a man, and I was told from a young age that a woman shouldn't chase after a man. That's how I've been living my life. I want a man in my life and to fall in love, but it has never been a priority for me. My motto is "If there's a man out there for me, I'll meet him if it's meant to be."

That's why I focus more on my hobbies than on trying to find a husband. I was in my early 30s when I broke up with the father of my children, and I haven't been in a serious relationship since. In fact, my daughters have never seen me with a man and often ask if I'm dating anyone.

I tried dating, but soon gave up when I realised the amount of effort some men expected from me. If a man expects me to chase him after I've already shown an interest, it would be a deal breaker. It's a big turn-off for me when a man plays hard to get, and it's probably one of the reasons I'm still single.

Hobbies Keep Me Distracted

Dating would be easy if a man is meant for you, and that's why I give up as soon as a man I'm talking to starts playing games. I don't have the patience for it and would rather invest that time in my hobbies; at least they will never disappoint me.

I now spend so much time on my hobbies that it is distracting me from things like loneliness and love. I had a crush when I first moved to London, but he turned out to be married, so I got over it. I still believe in love and want to fall in love again, but I haven't met the right person yet, and I'm not sure if I will.

It's hurting my mum to see me alone and single, but she's partly responsible; she was too strict, and as a result, I learned to live without men and love. It's both sad and annoying to hear her asking God to send me a husband, but I get where she's coming from.

You can't lock your daughter away and still expect a man to knock on your door and ask for her hand in marriage. This is why being overprotective might hurt your child more than you think...

Let me tell you why I'm single and the reason might seem silly to some